No More Mr. Nice Guy
I’ve always been a people pleaser. I didn’t think I was, but I was. For the longest time, I thought it was one of my better qualities. I believed that by always being nice, helpful, and accommodating, I was doing the right thing. I thought it made me a good person, the kind of person everyone liked and respected. But as it turns out, I was wrong.
Growing up, I figured that if I gave no one a reason not to like me, I could be friends with everyone. But life doesn’t work that way. Instead of earning respect, my constant “niceness” often left me feeling overwhelmed, taken for granted, and, frankly, a little bitter. It took me years (and years) to realise that being a nice person wasn’t serving me well—it was actually draining my energy and as it turns out, my creativity.
A Wake-Up Call from Viola Davis
I’m over it.
And it seems absurd that it took me so long to realise, but like our art, we are works in progress
A turning point came when I stumbled across an Instagram post by Viola Davis. She said, “My life got better when I realized I didn’t have to be nice. Nice got me ran over, stressed out, and disrespected. I’m not nice. I’m a good person. There’s a difference.” That hit me like a ton of bricks. Had I been confusing being nice with being good? Probably. If true, I’d definitely been giving away too much of myself.
I’m not nice. I’m a good person. There’s a difference.
The Power of Protecting Your Energy
As creative people, our time and energy are our most valuable resources. We need to protect them fiercely if we want to keep our creative spark alive. We must actively decide where we spend our time.
Every time I say yes to something I don’t want to do, I’m taking time away from what truly matters to me—whether that’s creating music, spending time with the family, or nurturing my mental health.
But if we’re constantly saying yes to everyone else’s demands, we end up with little left for ourselves. That’s how burnout happens—when you’re so busy being everything to everyone else that you forget to take care of yourself.
Saying no doesn’t make you a bad person. It doesn’t even make you less nice. What it does is give you the space to prioritise what truly matters—your well-being, your creativity, your passions. It’s about recognising that your time is precious and finite, and that you have the right to choose how you spend it.
A Life Transformed by Saying No
The truth is, constantly trying to be the nice guy is unsustainable. It leads to burnout, bitterness, and resentment—none of which are desirable traits. But by setting boundaries and learning to say no, we can protect our energy, preserve our creativity, and ultimately become better, more fulfilled individuals.
But here’s the kicker: when I started saying no, I found that I liked myself more. I felt more in control, less resentful, and more at peace with my decisions. I was no longer running on empty, trying to please everyone else. Instead, I was putting my needs first, and that was unexpectedly empowering.
It still feels weird, and I regularly catch myself almost falling into those bad lifelong habits. Compelled to do the ‘right’ thing by others before assessing whether it’s in my best interest. Being the perennial ‘nice’ guy. At least now I recognise the thought patterns and arrest them quickly.
I wish I’d learned this lesson sooner. But now that I have, it’s exactly what I need. So here’s to the power of ‘no’—the little word that can make a big difference in your life.
