April 29, 2025 · Episode 18
52 Min, 07 Sec 

Summary

Forget the tidy slogans about “finding your life purpose.” In this episode, Lyndon and Breallyn take a swing at the myth that you’re supposed to have it all figured out. Inspired by Corey Muscara’s reflections, they unravel the pressure to lock yourself into a single path — and open the door to something far wilder: a life that shifts, grows, and refuses to be pinned down. Expect thoughts on self-discovery, the weight of outside expectations, and why sometimes the best thing you can do is just live.

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Transcript

Lyndon: Something happened yesterday or when we were out and then I went to tell you about it and stopped and went, oh, I’m gonna save that one. And now I don’t know what it is. Yeah.

Breallyn: See, I could have predicted that.

Lyndon: What? That I would do that?

Breallyn: Yeah. That we would, oh, both of us. That we would save something up and then completely forget about it, miss the opportunity of telling each other.

Lyndon: But I should have known because I’ll walk downstairs and then forget what I was doing. I have no idea what it was, but it was probably hilarious. We’ll never know. And forgotten. Yeah.

Breallyn: Damn. That’s it. Let’s make, it wasn’t even a…

Lyndon: It wasn’t even anything. I know. It was just something little. And I know how annoyed you get with me talking to you all the time anyway, so I thought I’ve probably used up my quota of words into your ears on that day. I’ll just stop now while I’m ahead and save it, so we can enjoy it now.

Breallyn: Right. I’m always up for something funny, it’s more the lengthy descriptions of the minutia of your technical, I don’t know, challenges in the studio. That’s more the, where you start to see that blank look coming upon my face.

Lyndon: It’s not just a blank look. It’s just, it’s like you’re questioning your life choices. Yeah.

Breallyn: Sometimes I admit, I am thinking, when will this stop? This particular…

Lyndon: When will this partnership end?

Breallyn: I’m not thinking that long term. I’m just thinking about, I’m gonna hang out the washing. Can he stop talking now? I said to you the other day, politely walk away.

Imagining Life After Loss (and French Doppelgangers)

Lyndon: I was saying that I have a real concern that if I die, not so much that you’ll find another partner, but that when you do, they will be better than me in many, if not every way. And then you’ll be like, what was I doing with that bellend for so long? You’d be like, why? And I know I won’t be around, but just knowing that you’ll know is torture in the here and now. Yeah.

Breallyn: Wow. That got dark real quick. I dunno if I did say this when you expressed that the other day, but I feel like I can safely say that were you to pass before me, there would be no other. Like I am more than happy with my own company. Somebody would have to, I don’t know. They’d have to be everything in the world for me to give up my sacred me time for them.

Lyndon: Oh, you can never discount the giddying heights of love that diminish over time in a marriage. And then you’ll be like, oh, that’s right. This man, I did it again. This is what it… Yeah. Maybe next time you’ll be smarter and you’ll marry or partner up with someone who’s got money.

Breallyn: Yeah. Maybe.

Lyndon: Wouldn’t be hard.

Breallyn: Now mind you this… Yeah. What would they have to have? A car later than 2000?

Lyndon: Just need to have, yeah, I guess a credit card with some frequent flyer points on it. I dunno.

Breallyn: See, did I think this conversation came up because we were in a French restaurant the other night having a lovely date?

Lyndon: Actually, no. I’m not sure it came up during that. Did it? No.

Breallyn: It might have come up before that, but when we were in the French restaurant, we were having a very nice time out. We’d been to a comedy show. We were having dinner. It was our anniversary.

Lyndon: So we saw Mark Watson. Yeah. Who I’ve been a big fan of his for, let’s not say a big fan, a mild fan of his for a long time.

Breallyn: I’ve been aware of his presence.

Lyndon: Big rap for Mark Watson. He’s a very funny guy.

Breallyn: Yeah. He was great.

Lyndon: And I was very happy to see that he was doing a show on the last day of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival, and yeah, it just happened to coincide with when we were gonna go out for dinner.

Breallyn: That was good. But while we were in the French restaurant, we were talking about this sort of pipe dream that I have of going overseas. Very difficult.

Lyndon: It’s gonna happen.

Breallyn: We’ll see, but…

Lyndon: You just need to put in a few more hours.

Breallyn: There’s several hurdles to get over. One, yes, the money. Two, it obviously Birdie needs care, so that’s why there’s only talk of me traveling and not us traveling. We’ve gotta travel solo at this stage of our lives because one of us has to be here for Birdie. But we were talking about when I hit Paris next year for my birthday…

Lyndon: You’ll be lonely.

Breallyn: Yeah, I’ll be lonely. And apparently French Lyndon is gonna swan into the picture and offer me a spot in his chateau. I think that’s what was happening in the conversation.

Lyndon: Yes. Yeah, that was a different conversation where I brought up the same because now there’s a distinct possibility of it actually happening in my lifetime.

Breallyn: I dunno where you’re getting these thoughts. I think you’re thinking’s right way too much because the…

Lyndon: French me could actually be like me in every way. So rather than me no longer being around and you discovering that what you had to put up with, that there’s, you unexpectedly find someone better. But in this example now, ’cause you’re gonna go over to France, you could find my French doppelganger, who’s just like me, but unfortunately for the real me, he owns like a chateau or something in Provence. So he hasn’t got a lot of money, but he’s got…

Breallyn: Ancestral wealth and yeah, maybe he’s got ancestral wealth aristocracy to back him up.

Lyndon: Wee wee. No, not even. He doesn’t need any of that. He just needs to have…

Breallyn: Oh, can he have some of that? It sounds nice. That’s what I mean, Provence. Yes, please.

Lyndon: Yeah, so that was a different conversation. So we, so now we’ve a similar theme…

Breallyn: Had three conversations about me having a better option. Is that what’s just happened? Let’s make this the last one.

Lyndon: Okay, I’ve sown the seeds now. No. If you are gonna go over what we were talking about, you going over to Paris, we went to a French restaurant to give you a taste of a Paris experience. And did you order the escargot? None. No frog’s legs, I don’t think were on the menu. What else was there that you didn’t have? What did you end up having? Just like a hamburger?

Breallyn: No, I had the lamb.

Lyndon: French fries.

Breallyn: You had the duck that was quite French. Was it duck? Is that what you had? Yeah. Yeah.

Lyndon: It sounded French. Duck l’Orange. But I said, yeah, now imagine this is you in Paris. In Paris. Except without me here. And then you suddenly looked very lonely.

Breallyn: It’ll be a little sad.

Lyndon: That’s how that came about.

Breallyn: You know what, if I have a book in my bag, I am happy. I’ll just sit there and enjoy it. A bit of a read of my book.

Lyndon: You could keep writing your book.

Breallyn: I would. Yeah.

Lyndon: They’re Time Travelers, they could time travel too indeed. Not even time travel. Actually, if you time travel. If…

Breallyn: I time travel. Hey, if I time travel?

Lyndon: No, not if you travel time travel. But if someone were to time travel in theory, then they could just pop up anywhere so you could pop up in a different country in the same time period.

Breallyn: This is true. I do feel that this family has been, at least to England, like their ancestors came from England. But I feel that one of the characters does have recollections of England. So I might have to do a cross channel experience. A chunnel?

Lyndon: Actually. Are you gonna do the Chunnel? You could fly to London. Maybe that’s a better option. And then take the train to Paris and stay there for a few days.

Breallyn: If there are any travel consultants listening, please bring your expertise to the table.

Lyndon: I suppose you could fly to Paris. I’m assuming they have an airport.

Breallyn: I think they’ve got a train station.

The Challenge of Forming Habits (Especially for Creatives)

Lyndon: I was talking a couple of days ago to one of our carers. And actually this reminds me, ’cause you brought up Birdie twice. I think we should have a swear jar or a Birdie jar. Anytime in an episode where we mention Birdie, you… we’ve gotta put in a dollar, I think. See how many episodes we can go without.

Breallyn: Nah, it’s not gonna happen. There’s always gonna be a dollar. I think Birdie’s the reason we are called Pain In The Arts. Yeah.

Lyndon: Yeah. I was talking to one of our carers a couple of days ago and we’re just talking about how I’ve been trying to get to the local pool to do swimming and how I was doing it more regularly before I had a membership. Yeah. And, yeah, that old chestnut. Yeah. And she was saying how 70% of people with gym memberships don’t actually go. Which sadly, I already knew that and I knew that before I got this membership. But I thought that shown enough promise in the couple of months leading up to it that it made sense and then I dunno what happens.

Breallyn: I think your back got twinged.

Lyndon: I know, but it’s always gonna be something like that. Yeah. Anyway, it led us onto talking about… I actually suggested that this whole industry of self-help and betterment and all that kind of stuff, it really hangs off of, or it’s catering to people that work nine to five, because they already have a very strict routine. So it’s much easier for someone who’s already gotta get up a certain time, get out the door, their day is already compartmentalized in a way.

Or it’s like when they have their lunch break and they’ve gotta be very efficient. And so maybe on the way to work, they can go to the gym or on the way back home, whatever they can fit in. But not saying that we don’t have time, obviously we’ve got a much bigger choice and range of times that we could go to the gym or go to the post office or pay a bill or take our car to get the wheels balanced.

It’s more to do with the fact of it takes 12 weeks I think, to develop a habit. Or a new habit. It takes about two days to completely break that, much easier to do if you have an existing routine. Yeah. I think…

Breallyn: Yeah. It’s what they call habit stacking, right? So you’ve got habit. Yeah.

Lyndon: And you mentioned habit stacking on a previous episode.

Breallyn: Yeah. Yeah. I’m all for it.

Lyndon: I’d never heard of it before. Ironically me habit stacking…

Breallyn: You’ve got to form one habit before you can stick another one to it.

Lyndon: Yeah. Anyway, we ended up saying, yeah we could go, but like we, I think we’re just making excuses. Now we’re just making excuses. But I still think that’s probably true. Like much easier to…

Breallyn: You, you’ve gotta have, you’ve…

Lyndon: Instantiate if you’ve already got this structure in your life. Life, yeah.

Breallyn: Structure. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, absolutely. And our lives are difficult to structure. Like we’ve, we essentially work for ourselves. So we have got the daytime, I suppose to fit in all of the things that requires. But I think when you’re running your own businesses and so on, it’s just innate in that is that there’s so many hats you’ve gotta wear.

So when do you put the different hats on? It’s, that’s like a whole lot of thinking to even do that kind of in some sort of habitual way. But yeah, with parenting responsibilities and different things that we’ve gotta do and actually have to be very flexible for, it’s hard to make any habits whatsoever.

Lyndon: This is just my segue into the topic, so you’re probably still wondering what the topic is.

Breallyn: I am because, but I was still thinking about my habits. I went to the gym for just over… no, you were good at it. Yeah. I went for a while and…

Lyndon: I’ve, you are much better at that stuff than me.

Breallyn: I’ve stopped it, but that’s because I decided I was starting to exercise at home more often than going to the gym anyway. But we’ve just had nearly three weeks of school holidays and guess what’s gone out the window? It’s my habits.

Lyndon: Yeah. Happens to everyone, doesn’t it? During… It’s very hard during those times. Yeah.

The Problem with Finding Your “Life Purpose”

Lyndon: So this, I don’t have a, I don’t have a title. Okay.

Breallyn: That’s gonna be tough for the transcript in the episode.

Lyndon: And leading up to today, I actually remember, we were talking about how we hadn’t referred to our list, so we’re bringing topics and we hadn’t referred to that list. I looked over it during the week.

Breallyn: Oh yeah.

Lyndon: And discovered that nearly everything we’ve spoken about so far. So nearly every topic we’ve brought up was on the list. Oh, okay. There we go. Which makes sense. Yeah. Because when we came up with that list, we were just sitting outside brainstorming. Yep. Came up with the list. So it was stuff that was already on our minds. Yeah. Yep. Anyway, and today’s chat is gonna be about something that’s probably always on my mind.

So this will be a bit like, remember we’re at school where this would happen to me, where you’d leave everything to the last minute and you’ve gotta do a talk, and you’d go, oh. Ah, I’m so afraid of doing this talk. I’m gonna be ridiculed by my peers. And then you go. And so the fear of doing the talk stops me from doing any preparation. Oh, gosh. And then I go, oh, you know what? I know all about this anyway. I already know about this topic. I’ll just talk off the cuff.

Breallyn: Yeah.

Lyndon: And I’ll just wing it. And then you get up there and you can’t remember the mind goes blank. Can’t remember your own name. Today could be like that.

Breallyn: Oh dear.

Lyndon: I saved this a while ago from a guy called Corey Muscara. M-U-S, not M-A-S. Nothing to do with the eyeliner or whatever that stuff is, runs down your face. Mascara. Yeah. Runs down your face when you’re crying. M-U-S-C-A-R-A Corey Muscara, he says, “The emphasis on needing to find your life purpose is one of the most insidious and celebrated coping strategies perpetuated by the personal growth space.”

So this is a really heavy topic, and he says here too. So that was in his, that’s in his little post, but underneath it, in the comments, he says, “This post isn’t for everyone. If it doesn’t resonate, I encourage you to continue exploring purpose in a way that feels aligned with where you’re at, truly. But if it does resonate with you, I hope it offers another way orienting to a topic that can often create anxiety and frustration.”

Breallyn: Wow. So we’re talking about life purpose. Yeah. Oh man. It, I’ll just, for a life topic, I’ll finish what…

Lyndon: He says on. He makes a few different points, which I can come back to. I’ll read that again. Yeah. “The emphasis on needing to find your life purpose is one of the most insidious and celebrated coping strategies perpetuated by the personal growth space. It inadvertently encourages us to avoid the messiness of moment to moment listening by seeking solace in a fixed sense of self.

It’s useful, no doubt, and in some cases it can be lifesaving, but it’s not the highest expression of your self-actualization.” Over to you, Brea, what do you make of that?

Breallyn: Oh, said Corey.

Lyndon: What you agree with him?

Breallyn: I do because I find it a bit of a…

Lyndon: I’ve stumped her.

Breallyn: People do find that it helps them to figure out a direction, and to try to stay focused on the things that are important when there’s lots of competing things for your attention. So I think that there’s good to think about, oh, your purpose and what are you here for, and what’s really inside you, and what are you made for and what is it that you’ve got to bring to this crazy planet that nobody else can bring?

Like I think that is beneficial to reflect on and can sometimes do people a world of good. When there’s so much to do and there’s so much that you could do, to pick something is a good thing because it might even be that what you decide is your life’s purpose. You might even be able to choose a couple of different things, and any one of them would’ve been a really good thing to pursue or express that in the world in some way.

Lyndon: Yeah, it’s complex. I’ve got some things…

Breallyn: To say on the other side of the fence too, but…

Lyndon: And I’m not even sure if he’s saying that having a purpose or pursuing a purpose is something that you need.

Breallyn: No, not everyone seems to need it.

Lyndon: Do they? But I, no, but I dunno. But certainly when you’re younger and you’re trying to work out for yourself and other people often trying to work it out for you, what you’re gonna do with your life, your purpose strays into that a little bit. But often it’s more to do with what job would you be happy with and how much do you want to earn is often a big part of the discussion. Not for me, but I used to find that abhorrent. Look who’s laughing now and, literally everyone else, I just laughed. haha.

In your face world, but it would be nice, wouldn’t it? If your purpose was actually something that either was more on the table was easier to work out. ‘Cause I think people that are even happily employed or doing jobs that they loved, they’re potentially still, often thinking about what their purpose is. What are they doing here on earth? But this guy, Corey, is suggesting that there’s actually too much emphasis on that.

And whereas normally we’d kinda go, that was a, that’s a good thing. But this is another thing that he says, and this distills the idea down for me anyway. “Who we are is always changing. There is no static I or me. Our interests shift, our values evolve, our perspectives mature, our healing deepens. We put way too much pressure on ourselves to know who we’ll be and what we’ll want in the future. You can’t possibly know what you’ll value five years from now, let alone 30, 40 or 50.”

Breallyn: I agree.

Lyndon: And I agree with that too. I, and I find that liberating is something that I wish I had have thought about a long time ago.

Life is More Than a Singular Purpose

Breallyn: Yeah. It’s so true. And it’s like, why not just set ourselves free to be whoever we are right now and value the things that we value for now? Because yeah, who knows what we’ll be forced to change into or what we’ll just change because how we want to live shifts and we become somebody different because of some deliberate choices on our parts.

So purpose, it’s a loaded word, same as plan. Whereas people are so much more than one singular focus, one singular idea. I think there’s also traditionally been this concept that these driven people have that singular idea, that purpose, that this thing that they’re gonna achieve and then they achieve it. And what it brings to the world, it’s an art piece so it’s a scientific breakthrough. It’s something but for the majority of people, there isn’t that many people that can be that singular in their drive and in their life.

Most of us have got many responsibilities and obligations to others, to build a community, if you’re someone who you might be on the school council and that takes out some of your time, you’ve gotta be the team assistant at basketball for your kids. And then you’re driving them around doing different things, and then your parents grow older and you need to step in and help them and make sure that they’re comfortable in their older age. And you’ve got, you seem to be the person that organizes the birthday parties in the family or just all these different things that you are building community all the time.

You’re being this person that is supporting so many others and being the link in so many other lives. Like, how can you push everything aside and go, no, I have a purpose and I’ve gotta give myself over to achieving this thing. Like it’s, know, it’s fine to achieve stuff, but there’s so much more to people than having one achievement in us.

Lyndon: That idea isn’t so much about having one achievement, is it? It’s more it could be seen as just like a through line or, like a compass point, somewhere that you’re always heading towards. Even though you’re doing a whole bunch of other things. And that’s how I see more of life’s purpose. It’s not necessarily what you do, but maybe how you do it or where you’re heading to. And some people, yeah, they sacrifice a whole bunch of things in order to get there. Wherever that is. And some people don’t want to count that cost.

Yeah. And it’s just different for everyone. I know that like I was in my forties and realized I was still chasing idea chasing a purpose that I had in my thirties, and that was a, and, when that happened, I thought, oh, is this why people, men have a have a midlife crisis? Is it because you get to a point, you realize you are like, I don’t think it matters what field you’re in, what line of work, If you’ve been doing something for a long time.

And then you get into your forties and realize that what you’re doing or what you thought was your life’s purpose actually is rooted in a dream that you had as a young man. It’s a really hard ship to turn around. And yeah, that’s, that was a bit of a process and a bit of a realization so I think perhaps maybe this sort of information would’ve been helpful. Although often you do know stuff, it’s in you, there’s a lot of information in your head and you just don’t necessarily recognize that it’s happening to you. Yeah.

Breallyn: It’s actually very hard to assimilate all of the different bits of information. ‘Cause it’s I dunno, a hundred years ago, would anyone have been thinking about their life purpose, and not really. It’s a marketing thing now that we’re all supposed to have one and find one and achieve one and post it on social media and show everyone else out there how well we’ve done.

That seems to be the thing. But I don’t know, maybe we did, maybe we just used to be a little bit more organic about trying to be a bit true to our values that we have intrinsically and internally, and also adapt those to the circumstances around us, or that we find ourselves in the responsibilities that we have to take on.

A Better Question to Ask: Inspired Exploration vs. Life Plans

Lyndon: So maybe I should have started with this question. Or this statement. “What do I want to do for the rest of my life?” versus “What do I feel inspired to explore more deeply at this point in my life?”

Breallyn: Yeah.

Lyndon: The second question removes the pressure to plan your whole life in one moment and trains you to honor the ever-changing truth of your being.

Breallyn: Oh yeah. That’s just a way better question, isn’t it?

Lyndon: The, what do I feel inspired to explore more deeply at this point in my life? Yeah. Yep. Yeah, that to me right now that seems like a really good question it feels like the right question and the question that I actually do want to look at and explore.

Breallyn: Yeah.

Lyndon: Because that also lines up with other things we’ve spoken about, being in the moment. About creativity, about approaching artistic work with the childlike enthusiasm and inquisitiveness and… Absolutely. All that sort of stuff.

Breallyn: And it seems to be a shift in like the second question, the way that’s phrased it is more about that exploration and, the, what you might find and what you might uncover. Whereas the first one is more like, which goal do I have to get and achieve, to make my life worthwhile or, yeah. It’s because I reckon, pressure and loss a lot less about the process and much more about the outcome.

Lyndon: And, when we talk about, recapturing that the mind of a child and people often are talking about, having fun like we did as kids and what’s wrong with that? And we gotta get that back and whatnot. But, when I was a kid, I was doing that one, that second question. Whatever I felt inspired to explore more deeply at that point in my life is what I was doing.

Yeah. And obviously for me, I was obsessed with guitar and music. And so then at school, to be told the first question, what are you gonna do with the rest of your life? Yeah. It was like, what? Debilitating. Oh, music. Yeah. I dunno, but I dunno how that’s gonna look. Yeah. So because I wasn’t going to do anything else, I then lost that. I think I lost that youthful enthusiasm I had of exploring the music because I started going, oh, I’ve gotta take this seriously. And so I actually put up guidelines and paths and parameters that I thought I needed to follow so that I could be taken seriously.

Breallyn: Yeah. I think as a young person, you feel like that’s making progress. Like you… Oh, absolutely. You’re doing it right. But it’s actually, even into… it’s, we’ve been like two that stuff. Even into your twenties and Yeah. Yep.

Lyndon: And whatnot and beyond and…

Breallyn: Absolutely. I remember when you did a music business course. Oh, that’s right. Marriage and I thought, this is it. This is how we do it. We forgot we get serious. Forgot about this stuff. Forgot, and now like having done this six week course, you know you’re gonna know how to do it.

Lyndon: Shout out. Shout out to Paul Coleman. Yeah. Yeah. And his mate, I can’t remember his mate’s name, but that was actually really good.

Breallyn: Yeah. And it’s good information’s good stuff to find out along the way, but it’s, did a couple of those sorts of things. Know I did a…

Lyndon: NEIS Business Arts Management course. Yeah. There’s words I never thought I’d remember again.

Breallyn: But imagine even doing those things. ‘Cause they’re quite good. They’re good information, they’re good to know. But imagine doing them with the mindset of. Like, oh, I’m interested in knowing how music is managed, or knowing how to structure my finances in music, or find out more about that. I’ll just, I’ll do this thing because it interests me, rather than doing it with a mindset of I’ve gotta get my shit together because everyone’s asking me what I’m doing with my life.

Lyndon: Yeah. I reckon I would flip between both of those mindsets, like in a single breath anyway. Yeah. But still the point. Yeah. The point is still true of, it’s like I’m doing stuff like that because I’m trying to like, put all the missing pieces of a puzzle together. And, like you say, I’ve gotta take this thing seriously. Not that I didn’t take it seriously, but it’s no one’s as an adult, like no one, like, where do you find this information? Yeah, So…

Breallyn: I know it’s, yeah, it was tough, I think back to those two young people that we were early on in our marriage, and I have genuine fondness for them because the, we were trying to do the things that we wanted to do, but realizing very quickly that, oh man, it’s really hard to pay the rent and do those things. And, there’s so much like this forward pressure of achievement or, of being able to say what you’re doing and, it was really hard and we we just launched into it and didn’t know what…

Lyndon: That’s what we were…

Breallyn: Doing or what to expect or Yeah. But that’s the, the benefit and the joy of, youth is doing that. Yeah. But I wish, I wish we were able to do it a little bit more with the joyous exploration mindset rather than the get it together. What are we doing? That sort of thing.

Lyndon: Yeah. And it’s hard to know how much of external pressures dictated that. Yeah. Like I, I know for sure there was, were obvious ones and then there are others that’s just in my own mind. Yeah. And, I know that that I’m my worst enemy with that sort of stuff. Yeah. And it doesn’t take much, but, and maybe being a people pleaser as well means that I’m trying to, head off at the pass, things that might come up before they happen, if that makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. Take care of certain things.

Breallyn: Be a bit, yeah. Non-confrontational with stuff and yeah. I don’t know.

The Education System and Pressure on Youth

Breallyn: Like I, and I also feel like the, the education system, hey, that’s probably how we got there. Yeah, we got there. Talk about that another day. But yeah, it’s got a lot to answer for no doubt about it. And what’s making my blood boil with just rage is…

Lyndon: Geez, if I’d known that, I would’ve chosen a different subject. Hang on. Can I put the air conditioner on? If you’re gonna be boiling, if your blood’s gonna be boiling with rage, I want to be at least five meters from you. And the air condition boil needs to be on 19 degrees C.

Breallyn: No, it ha Yeah, it’s been boiling for a long time. Yeah, like years. Yeah, because I’ve just literally, we’ve got our third born child going through year 12 at the moment, so for the last six years I’ve been guiding teenagers through VCE. It is infuriating to see that the same things that we struggled with going through of, of having to choose a career and choose a job, and, you know, you’re not gonna, you’ve gotta tick all these boxes and all that.

It’s still the same stuff that they’re telling them. And I felt between a rock and a hard place of trying to get our kids through actually just surviving the awfulness that is VCE and, dealing with different things, mental health and all sorts of things that, you know, that they’ve gotta deal with. And yet still having all this false rubbish about what the future is and what you have to decide and how to build a life, and to make your choices about your subjects and then about what you can do afterwards and all that.

And I hate it. It’s been awful. I feel like I’m having to guide our kids in ways that I don’t really believe in, order for them to do stuff that they don’t wanna do, just so that the system is pleased and it’s not right. And I think we should be asking better questions. So that people are freer to live a life and not, not have to cement themselves into a purpose and into a career choice and into a stream and all that stuff.

Lyndon: All I can say is I hope your parents aren’t listening because they’re both career teachers.

Breallyn: They’re both teachers. Yeah. But they’re primary school teachers. I think that one’s…

Lyndon: About fun. That where it starts, that’s where it starts. Yeah.

Breallyn: I think the system needs a change and many changes probably rather than one big change. I think lots of little shifts in direction will get it there. But I imagine too, there’s probably only treatment…

Lyndon: There’s probably been a lot of people that have decided to become teachers and maybe somewhere with their youthful enthusiasm thought that they could make a difference, and then they’re in a system that it’s big, it’s an institution and it is what it is. And then they’d be back to saying, I made a difference to this person, the one-on-one sort of and you have a teacher like that. Yeah. It’s great.

Breallyn: And there are some that Yeah. That are like that for sure. And they aren’t, I think a lot of them have a, like good intentions, but why are we taking our children’s years and making them be like this? And…

Lyndon: I was in that position as a student, I didn’t know, you have in within you your own, you have your own sense of self and what you think is right and wrong and how you’re probably gonna embark on the world. And then you’re told this is actually how you need to do it. And so there’s all these sorts of rules and mechanisms and things that you’re like, I don’t know, do I need to do that?

Maybe I do need to do that. And so there’s, you get this self-doubt creep in ’cause you have you do have resolve about things that’s where a lot of the revolution comes from it’s not coming from 40 year olds, it’s coming from the youth. Yeah. But yeah, you have adults and people in leadership roles and senior roles that are saying, this is actually how the world is. So it’s up to you. Do you wanna be successful or not? Do you want to get ahead? And it’s…

Breallyn: So what we’re saying is the world’s wrong.

Lyndon: But we’re also saying that had we actually just given into that maybe we’d be in a different financial situation and maybe we’d be, Yeah. We wouldn’t have such up and down income and, Yeah. So it’s was the world wrong? But anyway, what I do like about this discussion is that you’ve derailed it for the first time rather than it being me.

Breallyn: Hang on a sec. Are you trying to tell me that there was a rail, there was a…

Lyndon: Of course, there. Clear track that we were going down. Absolutely.

Breallyn: Okay. Yeah. I got distracted with the education system.

Lyndon: You got distracted with your blood boiling and Oh boy.

Breallyn: As your body language changed, you’ve got a son who’s…

Lyndon: You’re back to it now. Well done.

Breallyn: Who’s a musician and trying to help him finish high school and figure out what’s next, when all we wanna tell him is, hey, just play your drums and enjoy it. And instead, I had him touring a logistics factory last week because we’re trying to look for other jobs that you can do as well as music. Oh man, it’s yeah, the poor kid, yeah. It’s not fun. I don’t like that this is the world I have to present him with.

Lyndon: There’s a lot of parallels between yeah. Our son and myself at the same age. Yeah. Which if I tell him, he’ll just go, it should be good.

Breallyn: Be the last thing he wants to hear. Yeah, probably.

Lyndon: But it was the same, I, I was like, I don’t, I don’t even need year 12 to do what I wanna do. Why am I here? The easy option would’ve been to drop out. But yeah, I just had this sense of, I know what I wanna do. And this institution I’m in isn’t helping me do it. Yeah.

It’s just restricting me and it’s making me feel really crap about myself actually. Yeah. Yeah. I just wanna get out of it. Yeah, that’s, so that’s how I felt. And, I was a capable student. I could do the work. It wasn’t that I couldn’t do it, it was just that I knew what I was gonna do Beyond school.

Corey Muscara: Monk Life and Becoming Your Own Best Friend

Lyndon: Back to Corey Muscara. Actually, let’s just so you know Who he is.

Breallyn: Who is Corey mascara When he is at home?

Lyndon: Yeah. Tell us more about, okay. Just a little bit of a background. In 2012, he spent six months in silence, living as a monk, meditating 14 hours or more a day. No reading. You like this? No reading, torture, no writing. Oh…

Breallyn: No.

Lyndon: No contact with the outside world. Wow. He and others, they woke up at 3:00 AM each day. They had two small meals before noon. They slept under mosquito nets. We’ve done that. No big deal. Yeah, whatever. It’s actually quite nice and meditated under those nets. Yeah, we didn’t do that. And the mattresses were so thin that you could squeeze them between your thumb, an index finger, and feel the bone on the other side.

Breallyn: Oh no. So what air? There was no mattress. Yeah, they had, a sheet. They slept on a sheet. They used it.

Lyndon: It was the hardest experience of his life and the most rewarding. So this is what he says about that. He says, “When people hear about this, they often want to know what happens when you spend six months meditating in silence. They’re usually expecting some trippy transcendent ego death type stories. And yes, I have those, but do you want to know the biggest thing I got from my time living as a monk?”

Breallyn: Yep.

Lyndon: What do you reckon it might be? You’ll never guess.

Breallyn: He was bored and he had to make his own fun. I don’t know.

Lyndon: Yeah. Oh, that’s like me being taken around to parishioner’s homes for lunch on a Sunday. Oh, no. And then finding out they’ve got no kids, and then I’d have to just what am I gonna do for the next four hours? This is his answer. The biggest thing he got from his time living as a monk. He says, “I became my own best friend.” Oh, wow. He says, yep. It’s as simple as that. And it has made everything in my life easier.

Breallyn: That’s really nice.

Lyndon: So…

Breallyn: Nice one, Corey.

Lyndon: A bit of his, his background. Now…

Breallyn: I wish I could say that I’m my own best friend. But I probably can’t, but I do have moments. Do you know, I don’t know if I’ve ever told you this. Sometimes…

Lyndon: Is it to do with the French me?

Breallyn: No, it is not. Okay. It’s just to do with the alter ego. me. Okay. Sometimes when I’m like exhausted and I’ve decided, oh, I’ve really gotta, I know clean the kitchen or something because of tomorrow’s, yada, yada, whatever. I’m pressed for time. I just have no energy left. I have nothing else to give for the day. I decide to not be me doing it.

I decide to be my best friend doing it for me, saying, ‘Oh, Brea will be so happy when she gets up in the morning and the dishes are cleared, the dishwasher’s been on, the benches are wiped. Oh, I just can’t wait to see her. She’s, she really deserves this help.’ And so I just pretend to be someone else doing it for me. Gets me through. So there you go Corey. You don’t need to go in a cave. You just need to go in my kitchen.

Lyndon: You said he was in a cave? Maybe he was. Maybe. So that’s not future Brea who’s gonna be happy. It’s just a friend.

Breallyn: No, Yeah. So I’m the best friend doing the work for Brea who’s gonna get up in the morning and go, ‘Oh, my friend cleaned the kitchen‘.

Lyndon: Because I know there is that idea of you do something for yourself and your future self who will love you and or what would you tell yourself at 14? Oh, you’re gonna be okay and everything will be fine and you’re gonna have some hard times. So you’re not even doing that. You’re like, I’m just, not even me. I’m just someone else. Someone else. Yeah. So that you can cope with the fact that it’s just housework.

Breallyn: Yeah. Essentially. Mind you, I have an acting background, I’ve tapped into that from time to time.

Honouring the Aliveness of Now

Lyndon: Alright, Corey Muscara says. “When you relentlessly adhere to a life purpose you previously declared for yourself, you disconnect from the aliveness of who you are right now.” So let that sink in. Yes. “It’s a form of spiritual laziness.”

Breallyn: Oh, burn.

Lyndon: “Parsing soul from ego is hard. Continued listening is hard. Not knowing is hard. Being is hard.” What a downer. No. Okay.

Breallyn: Truth teller.

Lyndon: Truth teller?

Breallyn: Yeah. It’s true. To wake up every day to go, who am I today, thing. Instead of I am fit for this purpose.

Lyndon: Oh yeah, I’ve gotta do this, I’ve gotta do that. Yeah. We’ve spoken about that before where I, I do it less, but I still fall into it ’cause it’s a life learned habit. I do Habit Stacking. There you go. Ah, I have it Well done, honey. Of before I go to bed thinking these are all the things I’ve gotta do tomorrow. Oh yeah. And then hoping that my sleep will sort some of them out and then waking up, going, I’ve got all this stuff to do. Such a tiring…

Breallyn: Oh yeah.

Lyndon: Debilitating way to live your life. So now I try and say things like, oh, I get to do this. I get to do that. And I try to take notice little things, like even just the weather or, that sort of stuff. Yeah. Stuff I would’ve just thought I what a waste of time. Not a waste of time, where’s the value in noticing it when I could be practicing guitar, practicing some hot lick. Yeah.

But I do like this when you’re relentlessly adhering to a life purpose, and in a way that’s what I was doing when I’m going, I’ve gotta get this done. I’ve gotta get that done ’cause I believe I’ve got this thing that I should be aiming for and achieving. And it’s the dream of a 15-year-old and then a 20-year-old and then a 30-year-old even.

Breallyn: Yeah.

Lyndon: And it’s like fine to still have it, but like you’ve gotta recalibrate these things as you go. And what better way to recalibrate than to be in the moment? And especially if you’re in an arts career, where if you’re gonna be worried about what people think or you’re creating stuff for someone else, then taking a step backwards before you even started. It should just be about the work that you’re doing, what you’re discovering and, the process.

The process is the work to a degree. And we always seem to be talking about that. So if you are adhering to a life purpose you previously declared for yourself, you’re disconnecting from the aliveness of who you are right now. So it actually has implications in the creative realm.

Breallyn: Yep. Yeah. Absolutely.

Lyndon: And that’s all I’m gonna say on that. So I think I’ll end with this. “Don’t worry so much about finding your purpose. Just keep showing up to your life with sincerity, curiosity and presence.” That’s a presence with a ‘c’ Brea. Not t-s. “A purposeful life emerges from there.” It’s a big subject.

Breallyn: Yeah, for sure. But I’m sure we’ll discuss it many times in different…

Lyndon: No, I think we’ve covered it pretty well. I don’t think we need to do any more on that at all.

Breallyn: Yeah. We never have to talk about our purpose. No, I really liked the way that mate Corey phrased those questions. That was really good. Great thoughts. Really well enunciated. He sounds like a person dedicated to finding some of those answers and pursuing a purposeful life.

Lyndon: Yeah. Quite frankly, it looks like he could do with a good shave, but maybe I’ll follow him.

Breallyn: I notice he’s got a 30 day course… Unfollow.

Studio Updates and Patreon Info

Breallyn: Now, on an organizational note, looks like the studio manager here at morning phase studios might need to tidy up a little because we’re seeing some pile of paper, some things out of order.

Lyndon: It’s organized chaos. You know what I was thinking I might do even, ’cause that’s probably gonna have to happen. Someone’s gotta do it.

Breallyn: While that’s the, and I believe that you did actually appoint moire as the Studio Manager. Yeah. So when I say someone’s got…

Lyndon: So I think I’ll do a little for our patrons on Patreon. I might do a little studio tour.

Breallyn: Ooh, wow. A little like a video…

Lyndon: Diary that’s not a diary, is it? Nice.

Breallyn: A little show around.

Lyndon: Yeah. Just on the old iPhone.

Breallyn: So is that gonna be before or after it’s had a little touch up?

Lyndon: It’ll have to be after, because otherwise you’re gonna see things like invoices for the mechanic. Bills from ASIC and…

Breallyn: They’re probably things that should be on my pile for me to…

Lyndon: Pay stuff from from the ATO saying, oh geez, that we owe them money. No. This is awful. This is my old studio iMac here. Which shouldn’t be here, but it’s there. This near empty bottle of Raid Max, multi insect killer. Now I got this in here and the reason I didn’t put it away, Studio Manager is because the world’s largest whitetail spider was venturing between the two acoustic panels over there.

Breallyn: Oh no.

Lyndon: And I saw it and I thought, that’s hideously large for a whitetail. And I’m often in here with bare feet. And they move so slowly they just saunter around like they own the place. And, I thought, nah, I’m not having that. I’m going to get this and spray it. And by the time I came back, it was gone. And I know it’s not gone. I just can’t see it.

So this has been here at the ready, so as soon as I see it, I can have a showdown with it and I’m gonna win that one. And, Anyway, kills on contact. That was a week ago and I’ve not seen it since. So you can put this away if you want to. Okay.

Breallyn: Yeah. Maybe you need your own studio bottle of it. Just Nah. So you’re ready next time You do see one?

Lyndon: So now I’m looking for it. Maybe you’ll find it when you are tidying up. It’ll be exciting. Ooh, this is gonna be a busy month. We’ve got, it’s gone. Got well, your podcast. My podcast. We’ve got Ricki coming in next week, so yeah, there’s a lot of stuff happening a lot this month that we’ve got to do. Yeah.

Breallyn: If you haven’t yet, head on over to our Patreon page where you can find out about those other upcoming podcasts. Because yes, there’ll be some episodes really worth listening to, that’s where they are. They’re on, jump on that. Yeah, they’re on Patreon. That’s the only place you can find them. Yep. Now these ones are subscriber only, so you can be a subscriber on our free tier. Which is called what? Linden?

Lyndon: We call it The Caravan it doesn’t have an official name on Patreon. Okay. Only the paid tiers have names, I believe. Okay. The free membership is just a Free Membership.

Breallyn: Just so you know, if you join, you can be for your free membership. You’re in our caravan?

Lyndon: Yeah. We call it The Caravan because we have three different levels of membership. The first level is The Cabin. The second level is The Cottage. Yeah, I was gonna say chalet. Remember we were gonna go with the soft, the soft C’s? The Chalet and The Chateau and The Charcuterie Board.

Breallyn: It’s only French Lyndon that’s in The Chateau.

Lyndon: It should have been. So we’ve got The Cabin and we’ve got The Cottage. Now The Cottage membership is the one with the podcasts.

Breallyn: Yep.

Lyndon: And then we have The Castle. And The Castle is the premium tier, where you get credits in the audio book. You get to come and have a tea with us practically anyway. So anyway, get on Patreon, have a look there. And you can also go to our website for transcripts. That’s Pain In The Arts Life, www.paininthearts.life.

Breallyn: Yep. Making sure that all of our material is in an accessible form for everybody.

Lyndon: The website is like the resource hub. Yes. The Patreon is where we have extra stuff and yeah, you just can’t quite bonus, quite get enough of this…

Breallyn: Then head on over there. See this episode…

Lyndon: Today might be one of the unfiltered ones, I’d say. Ah, Yeah. So this, every now and then we’ll do an unfiltered episode, which is listen out for when I drop the F bomb. Yeah. If that’s in there, it might still be in there, but by and large, the unfiltered episodes unedited.

Breallyn: Yeah.

Lyndon: Yeah. But anyway, that’s probably it. Yeah. For this week. That’s it.

Breallyn: Good topic.

Lyndon: Yeah. It was heavy, wasn’t it? Yeah. Never doing that again. Yeah, we’ll see you next week.

Breallyn: See you then.

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